Life After Divorce in Indian Society: The LGBTQ+ Perspective

 

Divorce is becoming more accepted in India. I have been practicing Family Law in Bangalore for over two decades. Through my observations of changing social norms, changing gender roles, and shifting perspectives on love and relationships, many individuals now face life after divorce's complexities. One lesser-discussed but significant factor contributing to marital breakdown is a change in sexual orientation, which plays an important role in the decision to part ways. This blog explores the shifting dynamics of love in Indian society, how sexual orientation affects marriage, and how individuals are finding themselves after divorce.

In India, divorce is changing

Marriage is considered a lifelong commitment in Indian society. However, as societal norms evolve, a growing understanding emerges that love and compatibility are complex and fluid. While divorce rates remain lower in India than in many Western countries, they are rising, particularly in urban areas. Still, unlike me, most divorce lawyers in Bangalore can attest that women are more empowered to seek independence today, and separation is no longer stigmatized.

The changing landscape represents a shift in values, where personal happiness, self-discovery, and authenticity are becoming more important than sticking to traditional marital expectations.

Marital Breakdown and Sexual Orientation

Marriage in India is often viewed as the cornerstone of family life, but sexual orientation is increasingly playing a role in the breakdown of many relationships. Due to societal pressures or family expectations, many people enter marriages without fully understanding their own sexuality. Many heterosexual couples discover that their sexual identities do not match their heterosexual marriages over time, resulting in frustration, dissatisfaction, and finally, divorce.

Identifying one's true sexuality:

Most men and women discover that their sexual orientation differs from the societal norm of heterosexuality in their later years. This discovery can be deeply challenging, as it forces individuals to confront both their inner truth and the expectations placed upon them by their spouse, family, and society at large.

Sexual desires are suppressed:

The suppression of their true desires by those who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or queer may have taken a toll on their mental health and well-being as a consequence of conforming to societal norms in many cases. When the suppression takes a toll on their mental health and well-being, they may feel as if they are living a lie. A sense of emotional disconnection can result from this dissonance, causing them to lose love.

Communication challenges:

Communicating openly with their spouse is often difficult when individuals have conflicting expectations about their sexual orientation and their marital expectations. If couples are unable to express their true feelings, misunderstandings, resentment, and emotional withdrawal can result, further straining the relationship. During the past year and a half, I have personally witnessed and helped many couples settle disputes through negotiations and counseling, followed by filing a mutual consent divorce to protect their private lives.

Developing New Relationships:

People often feel compelled to explore relationships aligned with their true orientation after defining their sexual identity. Their exploration can be liberating and empowering, but it can also lead to the dissolution of their marriage, as they may feel they are no longer able to stay in a relationship that doesn't reflect their true selves. Once the current marriage is dissolved, it is recommended that you engage in another relationship to avoid being charged with adultery for divorce.

Psychological and emotional aspects of falling out of love

The realization of a shift in sexual orientation can trigger a complex emotional journey. Often, falling out of love with a partner isn't a sudden occurrence; it's a gradual process shaped by emotional disconnect, unmet needs, and a lack of mutual understanding. As a lawyer in Bangalore assisting couples overcome their marital conflicts, I have observed that these three concerns are the most common ones:

Disconnection from emotions:

When a person’s sexual orientation doesn’t align with their marriage, it can lead to a significant emotional gap between partners. In marriages, physical intimacy often serves as a foundation for emotional closeness. When this intimacy is lacking or feels forced, it can lead to a breakdown in affection and communication between spouses.

Confusion and guilt:

The feelings of guilt and confusion experienced by those who realize they do not attract their spouse sexually are intense. Despite loving their partner deeply as a person, these couples are unable to maintain the romantic and sexual connection that is necessary to maintain a fulfilling marriage. Anxiety, depression, and feelings of isolation can result from this inner conflict.

Liberation and Self-Discovery:

Individuals often experience freedom and self-discovery during divorce. After recognizing their sexual orientation, they often feel relieved and free. As a result of divorce, they can explore relationships that align with their true selves, allowing them to find love and companionship on their own terms. Their lives become more authentic as a result of redefining love.

Acceptance and growth after divorce

Divorce can be a time of immense growth and healing for individuals whose marriage ended due to a change in sexual orientation. My work as a lawyer for Indian Nationals in Bangalore or representing Overseas Citizens of India has often shown that divorce is not only painful, especially when one spouse is in India while the other is in another country, but also an opportunity for self-reflection, emotional healing, and the pursuit of relationships that reflect a person's true identity. Besides providing legal support, my relationship has grown to include helping them rebuild their lives in these three key areas.

Managing societal and familial pressures:

Divorced individuals, especially those who return to India after divorce or remain here after divorce, face a lot of challenges. Divorce is still not universally accepted, and the stigma can be even stronger when coupled with non-heteronormative sexual orientation. Nevertheless, as LGBTQ+ rights become more mainstream, more people are discovering communities that support their choices and identities.

Establishing New Relationships:

For many, finding relationships that align with their sexual orientation after divorce leads to healthier, more fulfilling relationships in which both partners are on the same page sexually, emotionally, and romantically.

Redefining love and empowerment:

Divorce is no longer viewed as a failure of marriage but as an opportunity to redefine love and relationships. Many people feel empowered after a divorce because they can be true to themselves and form connections based on authenticity rather than societal expectations. As time passes, they learn that love is fluid and that it is okay to change and grow.

Conclusion
Especially when divorce is linked to changing your sexual orientation, divorce is a really personal and transformative experience. Breaking free from marriage expectations to live authentically is a brave act in Indian society, where tradition often dictates choices. Life after divorce isn't just the end of one chapter for people who change their sexual orientation, but the start of a new one. Many people are finding fulfillment, happiness, and connection by redefining love in their own terms.